Rescue Mission

[with Bob Neuwirth]

The Captain touched his swagger stick up to his golden eye
And boogied through the vestibule while bidding us goodbye
The enemy surrounds us and our spirit's almost gone
The devil take the calvary that sold us for a song

(There's Chi-Chi's on the starboard lads and Chi-Chi's in the stern
And hashish in the hookah pipe and bonny grass to burn
Our mission is a secret we're fool enough to try
And we'll sail the bloody ocean boys or drinik the bastard dry)

If I'd've been a carpenter the swearthy sergeant said
I'd never seen this ugly thing that hangs above my head
The hell with all your heroes and the wounds they hope to show
I'm just a simple soldier son with one more year to go

(The Albatros was tiring and the Cook was in a strew
The fifty little cabin boy was whizzing in my shoe
The Captain's wife was aging and the first mate heard her scream
When Tommy slipped tabasco in the Captain's vaseline)

Our time will soon be gone he said it's all we've left to lose
We've shot out ammunition and we're all but out of booze
So here's to Irma Donegal here's to Nellie Blye
And here's to my old friends he said and kissed his ass goodbye

(Give off give off you sorry lot give off the Captain cried
We've lost our bloody anchor and we're drifting with the tide
The swollen surf is pounding like a thousand cannons roar
And I shake the hand of any man who guides us into shore)

We're saved we're saved the soldiers said we're saved the soldiers cried
And soldiers climbed aboard while sailors left from either side

(Some swabbies hit the minefield and the rifles got the rest)
And somewhere there's a schooner sinking slowly in the west