Посмотрите, правильно ли я составила сообщение

  • Вот задание :

    You want to do the Duke of Edinburgh Award and you are looking for people to do it with you. Write a message to put on the bulletin board in your school.
    • Introduce yourself and explain what your idea is.
    • Describe your personality.
    • Suggest the activities you would like to do, and say what kind of people you are looking for.
    - tell people how they can contact you.

    Вот, что получилось у меня.

    Hi! My name is Darya and I am 19 years old . I want to do DoE course so that I can do volunteering and camping and fun things like that. I'm friendly, honest and patient.
    For expedition,I would like to travel to Tibet. I am very interested in Asian cultures and in Buddhism. The Dalai Lama comes from Tibet, and I would like to hike there and visit some Buddhist monasteries.

    For Volunteering, I would like to volunteer at an animal shelter. I love animals and I would like to help them have better lives.
    I want to contact with nice people to make friends. My email :agata231. com

  • Some minor improvement were suggested on another forum, but if I were you I would reconsider the following sentence: 'I love animals and I would like to help them have better lives.' It is grammatically correct but sounds slightly hypocritical. The lives of these animals are horrible, shelter or no shelter. For the poor brutes it is not a question of making good lives even better. I would put it like this:
    I love animals and want to relieve their suffering as best I can.

  • Correction to the post above:
    it should be some minor improvements
    a simple typing error, not ignorance

  • I want to win the Duke of Edinburgh Award so that I can go volunteering and camping and do fun things.
    For expedition?---Что это такое? Лучше его убрать и написать As a tourist, I would like to travel to Tibet. I am much/particularly interested in Asian culture and Buddhism (Или I take a keen interest in Asian culture and Buddhism).
    For volunteering---Что это такое? Убираем как в предыдущем случае и пишем As a volunteer, I would like to work at an animal shelter. I love animals and would like to help them have better lives.
    I want to contact with nice people and make friends with them.